Negative people, negative thoughts, negative outcomes…. We ain’t go time for that!
So often clients tell me they are surrounded by friends who are often negative towards their goals. I also find that so often clients, whilst thinking about and planning for a goal fall in to a negativity trap which hinders both their progress and even them starting in the first place!
Really, in life there is very little to be negative about. Added to that being negative will never solve a problem, if anything it will make it worse and make you feel like shit. It doesn’t make you feel inspired or give you a clear head to problem solve and it doesn’t help you progress.
You are here… Living, breathing – whatever you are facing, that in itself is a reason to be positive. You have a brain that will allow you to think over and come up with solutions to problems, however un-ideal they may be. Being negative wastes the energy you could be using to find a positive outcomes and hinders you from changing your mood.
When it comes to being negative towards others or having others be negative towards both sides of this situation are within your control.
Others being negative towards you:
Ask yourself if they are a negative influence overall. If the answer is yes then you should seriously think about minimising your contact with them. If the answer is no, ask yourself why they are being negative. Are they being over protective and worrying for you? In which case maybe you can understand, let it go, be grateful that you have someone that cares about you and move on. Are they jealous of you and don’t want to see you succeed? This is a bad relationship to have as your ‘other’ doesn’t have your best interests at heart. Are they bitter about something in their own life that is spilling over negativity into yours? Maybe you can help them with their problem.
Often, when in a situation where a friend or partner is being negative the best way to deal with it is to call them on it. When they comment negatively, try something along the lines of (and calmly) “You know that’s a really negative comment, it doesn’t make me feel good. Why are you being so negative about ‘X'”. Maybe they’ve not realised they were being negative in the first place or maybe they have true concerns, this way you can find out.
If you are the one being negative:
Now this applies to negativity towards others AND yourself. Firstly you need to be aware when a thought or comment is negative whether said out loud or in your head. Sometimes it can be an “I can’t do that, I’m no good at….” or sometimes it’s just feeling like you’ve lost the battle. Say the sentence or think the thought that’s negative again and then challenge yourself to put it positively ie “There is no reason I can’t do that, I just need to work out how” or “I’m not very good at ‘X’ so I’ll practice more and get better”.
It might take a bit of practice that said, BUT every negative thought or comment is a chance to impress yourself at your ability to turn it around and instead be positive or work out where your negativity comes from and address it.