Third times not a charm, The Big Fat IVF Survey

Turns out three isn’t my lucky number. We had our third negative IVF result last weekend.

Yes I’m sad for us. Yes we had an argument about it and yes, I had a nap and that helped.

We have so many good things going on besides this and we are so lucky to be able to have conversations about our ‘next try’. Those are the kind of sentences you have to continually remind yourself of in these first few days after a BFN (Big Fat Negative).

Wine solves many things, as does a hug from a furry, a dominoes, some mindless TV and a good sleep. As they say, tomorrow is another day and tomorrow gives us a chance to try again.

It’s frustrating you can’t just jump into it and even more so that there are zero answers as to why, how or when it didn’t work.

As an ultra-logical person, I find the world of IVF really frustrating to navigate. I like facts and proof and reasoning, all of which comes in very short supply in the world of IVF. We have gone private as the NHS said we weren’t able to do a round with them, due to my husband already having a son from his first marriage (which was conceived through a private clinic).

Having gone private I feel very aware that these clinics are first and foremost businesses and I’m therefore very wary about add-ons that seem to have minimal clinical research. I also get even warier when they don’t like you asking questions, making you either feel like a stupid little girl or in some way ungrateful for the service they are providing you.

You may have guessed by my tone that we are swapping clinics…

So to cut a long story short and because I am getting thoroughly peed off with all the conflicting or vague information out there, and because I have found a community of wonderful IVFers online, I have concocted a plan and made a Google Form 😂(it’s what the logical person does). I am calling it The Big Fat IVF Survey (BFIVFS for short):

BFIVFS the Big Fat IVF Survey


Yep, that’s right, I’ve even made it a logo.

I want better information.

I want clinics to look more at the manside (if that’s where the initial problem is) before rushing to ‘fix’ the woman.

I want to know it it is simply almost always ‘luck’ once you get a decent embryo of a case of throwing every piece of proverbial shit at the wall and no doubt some of it will stick.

I want to know, after three failed attempts, what I should be looking at to possibly help my situation.

I figure that there are enough of us (1 in 6 apparently), so if we all club together and share our experiences we might just learn something and have a body of information to go by that’s from real experience.

Please help if you can, there are a lot of us struggling with IVF information and choices. Please take the time to fill out the form if you have had successful or unsuccessful IVF. All information helps, and if you yourself have not had any IVF but know someone who has, if you forward this on I would be eternally grateful.

Find the link to the Big Fat IVF Survey Here.


1 Comment

  1. Kate
    June 7, 2019 / 9:55 am

    Everything you have said above really matches how I think and felt. We have had to have IVF/ICSI due to male factor. I found a lot of the staff treated me like I was stupid and delicate and hid a lot of information from me, particularly one of the main Dr’s who I then voiced I did not want to deal with at all moving forward.
    It is important to find a Dr that you can relate to and tells you how you want it, which for me was direct and factual.
    We had two failed rounds and I am now currently 21weeks pregnant after our 3rd – all paid for privately.
    On the third try we had 2 put back in (double your chances)
    I did acupuncture (with a great lady who does not recommend herbs, very common sense about it and told me what she was doing each time why)
    Reflexology – again, did with a very factual lady, helped balance me out in all areas, helped with my relaxation and explained everything and what I could do to help my body.
    I asked for a scratch as wanted to know I had done everything I could (it is not that bad or expensive and every little helps!)
    I took the 2 week wait off work and forced myself to do nothing (this was very hard as I love being active) I only walked slowly for 30mins every day to get fresh air. I kept warm (especially my feet, Accupunture thing), ate lots of warm foods like soups and rich protein foods.
    I felt relaxed for the first time really as I was expecting it not to work, so did not put any pressure on myself.

    I know it is different for everyone but hope the above helps. I did lots of research, picked out the bits I liked and thought suited the way I worked. Don’t be afraid to tell people how you want things to be done, explained or how you want to be spoken too. I felt more in control when I voiced my issues and desires. You are not being bossy or rude, you are being assertive and doing what’s best for you!
    Good luck, it will happen x

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