Third times not a charm, The Big Fat IVF Survey

Turns out three isn’t my lucky number. We had our third negative IVF result last weekend.

Yes I’m sad for us. Yes we had an argument about it and yes, I had a nap and that helped.

We have so many good things going on besides this and we are so lucky to be able to have conversations about our ‘next try’. Those are the kind of sentences you have to continually remind yourself of in these first few days after a BFN (Big Fat Negative).

Wine solves many things, as does a hug from a furry, a dominoes, some mindless TV and a good sleep. As they say, tomorrow is another day and tomorrow gives us a chance to try again.

It’s frustrating you can’t just jump into it and even more so that there are zero answers as to why, how or when it didn’t work.

As an ultra-logical person, I find the world of IVF really frustrating to navigate. I like facts and proof and reasoning, all of which comes in very short supply in the world of IVF. We have gone private as the NHS said we weren’t able to do a round with them, due to my husband already having a son from his first marriage (which was conceived through a private clinic).

Having gone private I feel very aware that these clinics are first and foremost businesses and I’m therefore very wary about add-ons that seem to have minimal clinical research. I also get even warier when they don’t like you asking questions, making you either feel like a stupid little girl or in some way ungrateful for the service they are providing you.

You may have guessed by my tone that we are swapping clinics…

So to cut a long story short and because I am getting thoroughly peed off with all the conflicting or vague information out there, and because I have found a community of wonderful IVFers online, I have concocted a plan and made a Google Form 😂(it’s what the logical person does). I am calling it The Big Fat IVF Survey (BFIVFS for short):

BFIVFS the Big Fat IVF Survey


Yep, that’s right, I’ve even made it a logo.

I want better information.

I want clinics to look more at the manside (if that’s where the initial problem is) before rushing to ‘fix’ the woman.

I want to know it it is simply almost always ‘luck’ once you get a decent embryo of a case of throwing every piece of proverbial shit at the wall and no doubt some of it will stick.

I want to know, after three failed attempts, what I should be looking at to possibly help my situation.

I figure that there are enough of us (1 in 6 apparently), so if we all club together and share our experiences we might just learn something and have a body of information to go by that’s from real experience.

Please help if you can, there are a lot of us struggling with IVF information and choices. Please take the time to fill out the form if you have had successful or unsuccessful IVF. All information helps, and if you yourself have not had any IVF but know someone who has, if you forward this on I would be eternally grateful.

Find the link to the Big Fat IVF Survey Here.


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