I had a conversation this weekend that reminded me of something I used to think very often. I’m sure many of us do.
How often do you fret about ending up in a situation you are unhappy with?
I used to be very fearful of this. For example – I would worry that I didn’t want to end up in a dead end job for years or end up doing what I did at the time (a secretary for a boss that thought I was useless) forever. Or I would worry that I would end up with relationships I was unhappy with as if I had no control as to wether I stayed in them or not. Further more I would worry that if I didn’t worry about these things they would surely come to pass, I had to worry about them to make sure they didn’t happen – and so the circle of worry was completed and continued.
We have a funny brain – it’s amazing but at the same time there are many ways in which it sometimes acts which aren’t in our best interest. One of those is these repeating cycles of fear mongering. The brain likes to be busy, it also likes to conserve energy – to do this it loves to learn a task and then repeat it, quickly, easily, and eventually subconsciously.
Because of this it’s very easy for the brain to think the same thing over and over again – humming away in the background whilst you brush your teeth, take the dog out for a walk, drive the kids to school, take the train to work – whatever you may be doing – it’s mostly nattering away in the background. And it can be nattering positive hopefully things or it can be nattering negative fearful things.
If you find repetitive worry coming into your head about the future it’s not too hard a task to turn it around. Logic and being in the moment plays a large part, so does noticing the thoughts and putting them straight, making a new repetition, a positive one. Once you do you will amaze yourself at how much lighter you feel. You’ll have more energy and you’ll be able to use this process for other negative thoughts you may find are coming into your head a little too often.
So how do you do it? It’s simple really – you just have to be aware of your thoughts – when the worry comes into your head, for example: you’re scared you’ll end up doing the same unfulfilling job all your life or, you don’t know what you would do if you ended up in your current relationship for good- remind yourself just who exactly is in control of those thoughts and those outcomes….
The answer of course, is you.
If you don’t want to end up in a certain place, a certain situation, being a certain person… The great news is twofold.
Firstly, you are totally in control of your own destiny so why on earth would you simply allow what you don’t want to happy to happen? Trust yourself.
Secondly you know exactly what you don’t want to happen therefore you are aware, and being aware in itself will make you avoid decisions and paths that will lead you to where you don’t want to be.
If the brain chatter still exists make a promise to you that every time you find yourself worrying about the future, stop that train of thought. Instead, in your own words tell yourself the following:
‘The future does not yet exist, it is a waste of energy to worry about things that do not exist. I will instead think about the next steps I can take in order to achieve my goals and be certain that I won’t end up anywhere I don’t want to be’
You alone are master of your destiny – it’s corny but it’s true. Worry about things you can change now – and use that worry to motive you to change them… Now.
Don’t waste energy worrying about things that will never happen – because you are taking action today. Your future will be a million miles from how you imagine.